Praying for the Bad Guy

The idea that people blamed the incident at Columbine on the parents of the killers bothered me as I read the piece. The blamed their parenting, saying the did not teach Dylan the difference between right and wrong.  I can't imagine being a mother and being accused of such things.  Susan made her case clear, she was doing what she thought was right. How could she ever know what her son's secrets were, what he did not tell them.

It made me wonder, what exactly can we control?  She mentions everyone attached to Dylan started blaming themselves and asking questions of "what if." What if they were better brothers, friends, parents, etc.  If they had done something different in their interactions with Dylan, maybe he would not have killed people.  But is it even fair to say that?  Susan says she did her best. She raised a son in the way she thought was good.  Can we blame her for a problem she wasn't aware of? And if she had acted differently, how can we know for sure it would have changed Dylan's mind. 

All of the comments made me upset.  Those people don't know what their family situation was like.  They shouldn't blame the parents, who are already in distress, for being the reason Dylan killed his classmates.  To her knowledge, he was a good kid.  This also raised questions about how do we trust our kids?  She does mention problems Dylan had.

I was in high school when the Virginia Tech shooting occurred.  The teachers asked me to lead the prayer during chapel.  As I prayed I asked God to be with the victims and their families. Then, it occurred to me, I haven't heard anyone talk about the shooter's family. So, I prayed for him and his family, for God to give them peace.  After the prayer, some students came up to me. They were taken aback by my prayer. The didn't know why I prayed for the bad guy. We "don't pray for bad guys."

Reading this story reminded me of that prayer.  I realized as I read that of course we need to pray and love the family members of the shooters.  As Susan pointed out, she didn't know what she did wrong. She still loved Dylan. She was still a mother. He was still her son.  I think we forget about the fact that the shooters had lives too. They are human. They had families.  Reading that Susan was blamed for the deaths really hurt me. More than anything, I felt as though this piece was showing us we need to become a community. One that is okay with talking about our feelings.

In this piece, you feel Susan's confusion, her guilt and sadness. Susan was in pain, her family lost a loved one.  We should recognize that and love people through their pain, not target them.

Angela Payaban